Tonight I am going to be very vulnerable with you all.
I woke up on Saturday morning and started crying. I was in awe. I was so happy. I could not believe that this was actually my life.
I sat down and wrote this:
“I am feeling so, so grateful. I’m crying actually. How is this my life? Would this have happened if my dad would have been alive? I don’t know how I would have felt. It’s tough to put into words. The experiences I have had are beyond imagine. When did I decide to seek happiness above all else? It’s a beautiful thing… To be so blissfully happy.”
Shortly after, I received some news that my granny was not doing well and my plans for the day suddenly changed… You see? Life is a beautiful twisting and turning of ups and downs. Not every day will be perfect. You won’t feel happy in every, single moment. But there is the common thread of positivity that weaves into your every day life that let’s you know everything will be ok.
You feel it at the moment when you speak poorly of someone and instantly regret the words. It’s being aware of how your voice can cause change; a few words can cause the utmost joy or the utmost pain. An individual can shake the world and alter destiny itself.
But where would those individuals be if they had cared what people thought of them? If they had believed that they were not worth it? If they had stood by in their own comfort for fear of the unknown?
I tell myself this often as I grow older and my life becomes more “stable”. I constantly have to choose to break out of my comfort zone. It is not as easy as it was when I was 18. I have more to lose now and I am growing a family of my own. And believe me, I am fearful. I fear the discomfort because I know what it feels like to step into the unknown. But I also know that when the discomfort passes, something beautiful happens. You feel empowered and strong, you have met beautiful people and seen new places, you have experiences you will never forget as a new part of your soul awakens.
At the end of the day I want to be able to look back and know I did everything that I wanted to do. I want to show my children that their desires are within reach if only they have the strength to believe. The most important thing is to believe in yourself. If you ask for something and you lack that belief, people can feel it. And then perhaps they too won’t believe in you.
I look back at my 26 years of life and everything has happened so perfectly. As I prepare to go to California this summer, the place that started my veterinary school journey, I am truly in awe of the power of the mind.
I guess what I am trying to say is take risks. Don’t take no for an answer. Know that every rejection is leading you to where you are supposed to be. Read and write. Analyze your thoughts and desires. Know yourself so that one day when your life is ending you can look back and think “I have no regrets”. Love deeply, but most importantly love yourself. Not in a selfish way, but in the way that you love yourself so much that your love spills over everyone who comes into contact with you. It covers them and makes them believe that they too are loved and they are capable of anything. Spread light and joy. Be vulnerable and honest. Know your limits. Be humble. Accept your faults. Rejoice in your successes.
You are the most important being in your life. You know your soul. You know your heart. Fight through the discomfort and live your life, don’t just exist.
“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.” – Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray Love