We all struggle with the notion of asking for help. Initially, we feel that asking for help insinuates vulnerability or weakness. In actuality, there is nothing more powerful than knowing when to be vulnerable with yourself. Before I moved to France, I did not make the best dating decisions. I went through a series of terrible experiences with men. And when I say terrible, I mean it. One night, the guy who I was dating in France told me to my face that he did not care about me at all. The next morning, I went to the beach and sat down on the rocks overlooking the Mediterranean…
and I wrote this:
I say I want something big but I’m in France. How can I want something bigger than this? Maybe what I want in reality is that big love… That can’t sleep at night big love that cannot be reconciled and gives you that feeling of entirety. Maybe I have already had my big love and that opportunity has come and gone… Maybe my big love will be my career or my children. But I prefer to think bigger. I think it is coming and it has been for a long time. It wakes me up and seizes my emotions with a force I’ve never known.
Perhaps it’s anxiety for what lies ahead… What lies ahead…
I will be successful in obtaining and preserving happiness in all aspects of the word: my relationships and my career. I will never allow myself to linger in melancholy or wrong myself with falsities. My life will be live with open eyes and an open heart. If I fail to do this, which surely I will from time to time, I will have the strength to rise above and take control of my life and my emotions. *For happiness is the consequence of personal effort… We fight for it, strive for it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. We have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of our own blessings. Amen.
The last few sentences with the * are paraphrased from one of my favorite books, Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.
the consequence
I wrote this in November of 2013. I was 22 years old sitting at a beach, unsure of what the rest of my life would look like. There were no plans to go to veterinary school, there were no plans to go to Brazil, or move to California. There I sat, writing one of the most profound affirmations I have ever written. In December of 2013, one month later, while in Paris for Christmas holidays, I met a Brazilian who completely swept me off my feet. And the rest is history.
This note that I wrote to myself is extremely personal and powerful. It showed me that if you ask the universe for help, help will come (whether you like it or not). I share this with you all because I want you to know that if you truly want something, whether it is to be accepted into veterinary school, meet the love of your life, feel happy, live in a particular place, you must be vulnerable and ASK for it. At that moment, I had had enough. I knew I was ready for a serious relationship and honestly love found me at a time when I least expected it in the most unexpected way.
moving forward
YOU are good enough and YOU deserve to have all of the happiness in the world. YOU deserve to have your prayers answered. My best advice is to be specific. Know that, if what you receive from the universe isn’t exactly what you had envisioned, it is supposed to be that way. I think that is the hardest part. Nothing is perfect. Life is all about the flaws in between, the learning and growing we do on a daily basis.
There is no point wasting this precious life in misery, so if you feel like you need help, ASK FOR IT. Be vulnerable. If you can’t ask a person, ask the universe or God or whatever you believe in. Let every prayer you think or speak be asking for what you want. Do not be ashamed, just live. Live so that your family can be happy in your happiness. Live so that you can love more freely because you love yourself SO much.
I love you all.
As always, please let me know if you have any questions.
SB
